We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
