Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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