I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
