We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
