NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I met the friendliest cop last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
