Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is Oprah even human
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
