Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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