THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
