if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
