It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
