STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Boobs speak an international language.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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