all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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