I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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