I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
