Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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