last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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