It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I want is dick and wine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
