I wanna bring you to show and tell
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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