I just made out with a guy for $7.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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