Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
