I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
