tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
