I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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