mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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