we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
