I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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