I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
