i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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