Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
