I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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