i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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