I wannas sexs uuuuu
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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