Me. At least after what I've been through.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
