Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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