Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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