I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
