Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
