All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
