I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize