I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
