At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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