Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
