my phone needs a breathalizer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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