i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
