to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
