i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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