Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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