I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
