You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
