She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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