FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
