i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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